Overwhelmed, unable to keep up, understanding that I was an emotionally abusive spouse, and who knows what else, I messed up.

I wrote a nebulous, but ominous sounding note and then took too many pills…on purpose.

Probably one of the most selfish uncaring thing I’ve ever done in my life, and it was wrong on so many levels. There is no way to apologize to everyone that this hurt, but for those who know me well enough to read this, I am truly and deeply regretful.

While I am still waiting for all the fallout from this, there are a couple of bright points:
– I am learning just how wonderful my wife is. I knew she was pretty great, but I’ve missed so much being caught up in myself.
– I’ve had my eyes opened and am no longer living in denial of my problems or my strengths. Feeling bad about yourself for poor choices and denying the hurt they cause others and oneself was the big thing I knew I denying. I’ve also learned that I was denying my strengths and skills in other areas because I didn’t believe in myself.

Where things end up, I don’t know. We may end up living in a van by the river or, I’m seriously hoping, I get to keep my job a while longer while getting the counselling/therapy I desperately need.

Whatever comes, I know that I am loved, even when I don’t believe I deserve it. My wife says “Love is an act of grace.” She means that you don’t earn it or even deserve it, it is freely given. Learning that lesson is something we all need.

It starts all over again. The new politician promises to undo everything the old politician did, just like the old politician did to their predecessor. Dems reverse the Reps, Reps reverse the Dems when it is their turn. No matter which side you are on, it sure seems like a waste of time and money that us little people get to pay for.

Sadly it used to be little changes…lower taxes on the rich and don’t run a deficit on the Reps vs make the rich pay their share of taxes and help the poor on on the Dems. Over the last 12 years politicians on the left have finally started to help poor people only to have it fought the whole time from the Reps who claim to have a better plan, but haven’t produced it in 12 years. The last 4 years have been the end of the old school Republicans and have been replaced by Trump worshippers.

For all you people out there who are wondering how we’ve turned the corner on Covid-19 while setting new record highs for new cases daily. Reminds me of the old saying from the Great Depression last century, “Prosperity is just around the corner…only question is which corner?”

For those of you celebrating Biden winning the election, enjoy it while you can. The real work starts tomorrow when President Trump decides exactly how he will react when the truth sets in, and how he instructs his followers to behave.

Be sure to pick up tomorrow’s edition to find out more.